I was interested in creating work that showed my own state of mind during the lockdowns in Melbourne. It was important to me to create a work like this. Not only to give myself a creative outlet but also to go about forming connections through empathetic reactions. Who we are ourselves exists in opposition to who everyone else is. During a lockdown however, when there are no people to contrast an identity against, how do we maintain our personal identity? And what happens when we lose it all together? This project attempted to capture two things. Firstly, the steady loss of self identity I felt when faced with social isolation. Secondly, an attempt at self reflection as meditation. I felt I needed to take a look at myself via a trial of self portraits. This turned out to be both good and bad. The good turned out to be a feeling of 'captured-ness', as though I could now show instead of explain my feelings. The bad came in the form of intense panic, violent self-criticism and paralysing self-loathing. In a sense I got what I wanted – a way to show how I often feel. The anxiety I put myself through via its creation, however, has me skeptical about ever picking up a camera again.

Scattered Mind, 2021  

photography  

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